everyone likes a good adventure and few things are more exciting than my annual excursion to visit my eye doctor!
i always come a little early for my appointment so that i can check in with the front office staff and we can catch up on the what we’ve been doing since my last visit. if needed, i take notes.
the reception area is a whirlwind of activity! other patients to chat with, magazines to leaf through and art to admire all lend to the festive atmosphere.
even the front office has modern art as inspiration to the staff. this cubist installation represents how the colorful joy of creativity is not extinguished by the order of the medical world. oh, my mistake, this is the filing system. look! here are my medical records right here. well, isn’t that convenient?
i have heard that patience is a virtue, so, i will wait with great patience for the doctor to do my eye exam. waiting for the doctor to enter the exam room, i feel the same sense of anticipation that overwhelms me as the opening strains of music swell just before the curtain goes up on a magnificent ballet, spectacular opera or a david bowie concert.
unlike most concert halls, here i can put my nervous energy to good use. first, i’ll just brush up on my eye disorders by studying this colorful and informative poster. why just look at that retina! chock-ful ‘o photoreceptors just waiting to tell the ganglion what message to send to the brain via the optic nerve.
i marvel at what a triumph of design and function the eye is — yet, it is also the window of the soul. often, i have been complimented on my expressive and soulful eyes.
what a mess! i’ll just tidy up these bottles and organize them by the color of their labels and size. you know how important aesthetics are.
oh! i have just enough time to memorize the eye chart before the doctor comes in. i always like to be prepared for tests, you know.
then a quick game of eye spy. i’ll go first!! i spy with my little eye something starting with the letter c that causes excruciating pain when scratched with a piece of sand or a finger nail.
this is doctor payseur. don’t let the white coat scare you, he is really a very nice guy. dr. payseur is one of the leading specialists in the field of terrycloth primate eye care. you may be familiar with his groundbreaking paper that won a nobel prize for medicine — “lint- and fluff-related corneal injuries, their treatment and prevention in charming terrycloth primates.” it’s fascinating reading and i hear that pixar has secured the film rights. (fingers crossed that i get to play the part of fluff in the film!)
ah! the good old snellen? eye chart!
E
FP
TIM
ETO
SNAK
SAYHI
MONKEY
using his tried-and-true ophthalmoscope, with its snazzy little light and useful magnifying thingy, dr. payseur looks deep into my eyes. resisting my hypnotic gaze, the doctor notices the pleasing shape and pink color of my optic nerve. while pink is not a color i would have chosen for the interior of my eye, it’s apparently the classic color of a healthy optic nerve and much appreciated among eye care professionals.
visual acuity is not all dr. payseur is concerned about, this fascinating multi-functional piece of equipment is just what the doctor ordered! the tonometer measures the pressure inside my eyeball. a quick touch is all that’s needed to identify if i am at risk for glaucoma. another great high-tech feature is these handy little throw-away papers that i can personalize with a cheerful drawing or moving haiku.
do these frames make me look like a geek? be honest!
my peepers get a clean bill of health, but the fun is just beginning! now it’s time for what we like to refer to as “our quality time.” dr. payseur always answers all my eye questions. today, i’m getting a personal guided tour of the eye.
and i get to try my hand at do-it-yourself corneal grafting. i hope we’ll have time for me to learn how to flip someone’s eyelid over using a cotton bud! that skill makes eye doctors very popular at parties.
my prescription for good eye health is to wear quality — not just fashionable — sunglasses out in the sun, rest my eyes while working on the computer, keep pointy things out of my eyes, don’t look at the sun, don’t share eye make-up, and call if i notice any change in my vision. other wise, i’m free to enjoy another year of visual delights before my next checkup.
as humphrey bogart would say “here’s looking at you!” (that always cracks up anyone in the eye care profession).
Monkey, as usual, your adventures are both informative and entertaining. I am always so impressed with your ability to find insights across such a broad range of issues during such deceptively simple affairs as an eye checkup! Keep up the good work!